Grace has been escaping me lately and I am stuck literally and figuratively. I am muddling about in some sort of quagmire that I cannot name, cannot put my finger on and therefore, I am going to attempt this writing to see if I can wade out of my current mental state that feels slushy and indescribable. There! I’ve said it. I’m currently so far into my own gray area, that I’m having trouble climbing out! But I will, my friends, I will.

I told a small bunch of dear ones yesterday that I’m an instigator and an initiative taker to the degree that I want to begin things even before they have a clear plan. Case in point: in first grade at my very first lunch in the lunchroom with my class, I had watched how all the other kids took their trays to the window so the lunch ladies can wash them. Aha, I thought. Good idea, so off I go, walking across the cafeteria, to place my tray in the window. Enter my teacher, who grabs the tray before the ladies behind the window could, hands it to me and marches me back to my table to wait my turn, with my class. Gosh! I knew what to do and was taking initiative. Others see this differently – I jump the gun, take over, insert ideas before asked for, you get the drift! I’m calling it initiative and I stick to my description.

So, try as I might to keep my mouth shut until my opinion is asked for, I often open said mouth and begin inserting my foot/idea/opinion before my brain can take hold and slow me down. It’s not always helpful. In fact, it can be detrimental to the progress at hand for any given situation whether it’s advice to my daughter about the grandson’s illness or ideas for my son’s job search. My intentions are good and pure and honest but the result is…well, not always great.

Can I use the excuse that I was (and always will be) a teacher, used to handing out advice and assignments at a moment’s notice? I mean, my ideas are often helpful. I can give you pointers about how to approach a difficult assignment (one bite at a time) and I can offer you support when you need a second reading of that essay. I can break into a silly accent that will ease a tense situation. But lately, I cannot get myself out of the mud! The feeling I had when I was overwhelmed with raising kids, feeding them and then shuttling them off to sport events is back and it’s this – run! Hide! Escape. But honestly, I’ve nothing to escape from and I know it. Life is very good! I see friends, have hobbies, travel with my lovely and wonderful husband and have two grown kids to fret over and love on, plus that awesome bonus son and grandson! Therefore, at this writing, I feel myself wading out of my own self-made quagmire and climbing to the bank of the most beautiful river I have seen in many years. I will survive. No, I will thrive. I’ll write that recipe book, print some beautiful photos and maybe paint them. I will get back in shape and run a 5K or hike a mountain. I will try, very hard, to keep my initiative to myself unless asked. 😊

Please ask me something! Soon?

Love,

Marci